The laws of pop probability clearly state that for every Robbie Williams there must be a Gary Barlow. At first glance, "Schizophrenic" has Justin Timberlake's former band mate JC Chasez flying in the face of such wisdom and suggesting that *Nsync was one unusually gifted boy band.
Without question Timberlake is the main prize, but Chasez's opening gambit, double A-side single "Some Girls (Dance With Women)" / "Blowin' Me Up (With Her Love)" lines him up for a respectable second. Two slyly addictive bump'n'grind club tracks, they, like high-pitched cruiser "She Got Me" and simpering ballad "Build My World", wisely stay within the lines of Justin's example, and deliver enough likable tunes to get away with it.
And then, in an alarming and unexpected twist, Chasez suddenly turns into David Hasselhoff.
Through the exaggerated swagger of "If You Were My Girl" and "100 Ways"'s ludicrous rock pouting, he preens, poses and struts like a self-proclaimed and extremely delusional love god. All heavy breathing and cheap cologne it's like he's watched Saturday Night Fever once too often and actually believes women go for men who push their sleeves up and make tiger noises. Even the Basement Jaxx produced voodoo grind of "Shake It" can't shift the image of a man who drives the ladies by licking his lips. Slowly.
But it gets worse. Any man who sings "I'm a love machine, 24/7 call me anytime you need" is on thin ice. Couple it with an electro romp that sounds like it was lifted straight from the Bloodhound Gang's "Bad Touch" and a chorus of "All day long I think about sex with you", as Chasez does without irony on "All Day Long", and he should be thoroughly ashamed. And as if that wasn't bad enough, on "Come To Me", another ill-advised bout of boastful electro, he declares "when I'm all alone, I lie awake and masturbate". Yeah, thanks for sharing.
Looks like the laws of pop probability live to fight another day then.
