When quizzed recently about his new-found celebrity, Jack White revealed: “Somebody had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to play guitar on Lindsay Lohan’s album! Ha ha ha! She's another one of those 16-year-old actresses, and she's making an album! Like, 'NO!' Ha ha ha!”
A year ago, Lohan was perhaps just another teenage starlet fulfilling a pre-pubescent Disney contract with the merest hint of gloss upon her sweetly smiling lips. But now, after the glorious bitchfest of sleeper smash “Mean Girls”, a slew of glossy US magazine covers and rumours of a fondness for underage binge-drinking, she’s a white hot superstar who’s channelling bad-girl Britney as much as prime-era Molly Ringwald.
At best, and assuming no studio subterfuge was involved, Lohan’s debut album “Speak” showcases a seriously impressive voice that belts its way through the album and emerges unscathed. Overall, however, it’s the post-Alanis, Avril et al compilation of slick, soulless, demographically-targeted, empowered adolescent girl anthems you’ll have expected. The sleeve is a car crash of faux-punk rock Top Shop t-shirt logos and unconvincing rock chick poses (plus a needless sleazy cleavage shot for Dads/pervs), the titles and lyrical content replicate diary entries from a made-up teen magazine (“You look at me and I just die”, “I adore you/I can’t ignore you”) and the music is largely the blandest production-line approximation of ‘rock music’ since the dark days of Hepburn.
The atypical electro title track and slinky “To Know Your Name” are by far the best songs on the album, the kind of compositions that, slowed-down and sexed-up, could make killer Kylie singles. The clipped “Die Another Day”-style “Rumours” and weedy “Toxic” clone “Magnet” are also pretty good; forthcoming single “Over” is just Lavigne’s “My Happy Ending” with a different accent and less spiteful stylist.
Indeed, Lohan is not ‘another one of those 16-year-old actresses’ but, sadly, “Speak” could have come from any one of the also-rans and would have done them way more favours. Her alleged hook-up with McFly’s Harry during the filming of new movie “Just My Luck” might suggest a new direction for any future releases but for now, a selective attitude to the contents of “Speak” on iTunes or similar is strongly recommended.
