Yahoo! Music Album Review

Released on 24/10/05
Label: Polydor

Or, how to turn a silk purse into a sow's ear. Say hello again to a beautiful girl (think a very young Christy Turlington...) with a beautiful voice (...who sings like a less guileful Avril Lavigne) and the rarer-than-hen's-teeth combination of edgy appeal (she's a Cornish punk-haired lesbian...) with mainstream support (... who romped home in 2003's Fame Academy). Doesn't it somewhat sell itself? Why, then, do Polydor seem intent upon crushing every last scrap of goodwill for their protegee?

Alex Parks should be duetting with Anthony & the Johnsons, not stumbling through sappy, sloppy, third-rate, unedited lovey-dovey dribble, at which even Michelle McManus would gag. Her debut "Introduction" (mainly fantastically spine-tingling covers of songs like "Everybody Hurts" and "Mad World") sold half a million copies and hinted that with the obligatory blue-rinse-brigade pleasing special out of the way she'd be free, à la Will Young, to tread her own idiosyncratic path.

But from tissue-thin soft rock lullaby "Out Of Touch" to the icky "Sweeter & Sweeter" with it's "you make my body weep" (running sores?? Too much information!) this manages, despite Parks's expressive, yearning vocal to leave listener utterly cold. The production approach is exactly what The White Stripes' meant with the lyric: "You took a white orchid/And turned it blue". Some tracks eventually, with effort, touch a chord. The album's 'highlight' "Looking For Water" (a collaboration with late 70s popstrel Judie "Stay With Me Till Dawn" Tzuke) canters along in meaty-ish Sheryl Crow fashion, while "Get Out" sees Parks developing a bit of soulful Joan Armatrading attitude. "From The Inside", with its tidal momentum, is almost moving.

Since this reviewer pressed redial several times to vote Parks to her game show victory, and would love her to succeed - on her own terms - let's be constructive. Note to Alex: first off, there's far too much "some days are harder than others", " I know you're hurting", "I'm fragile like a small bird" and endless, endless "pain". We know life's hard, but so did Elliott Smith, Kurt Cobain and Johnny Cash and none of them wrote anything as energy-sapping as this. Next, ditch Karen Poole and Marcella Detroit - between them responsible for some of the drippiest songs ever foisted on female pop moppets. Beg your manager to get you an introduction to Rufus Wainwright. Finally: take your guitar and hit the folk clubs and toilet venues with songs that sweat.

Note to Polydor: Alex Parks may be a lesbian but that's no excuse for chopping off her balls.

    by Anna Britten