Gig played on 21/05/06

An onstage roller-disco complete with a fleet of satin-jacketed rollergirls and boys. A shofar (Jewish horn) solo and traditional Hebrew incantation by a turban-swaddled man named Isaac, followed by a Fosse-style chair dance and some ghetto-blaster dry-humping. A politicized video montage starring Adolf Hitler, Dick Cheney, Tony Blair, Osama bin Laden, Richard Nixon, George Bush, and starving African children. A futuristic mechanical bull equipped with disturbingly gynecological-looking steel stirrups.

No less than seven costume changes, including three leotards, one unitard, a "Saturday Night Fever" Tony Manero leisure suit, a crown of thorns, and an electric cape emblazoned with the rightful title of "Dancing Queen". All of this may sound like the makings of Cirque Du Soleil, the Eurovision Song Contest, Live 8, the Love Parade, and an evening at either the Kabbalah Centre or "Coyote Ugly" rolled into one. But no, it's just the opening night of Madonna's much-hyped "Confessions" tour in Los Angeles.

Proving that music can indeed make the people come together, tonight Madonna has attracted an adoring, 16,000-strong throng of platform-footed drag queens, helmet-haired mothers, glitter-sprinkled club kids, and buttoned-down yuppies to witness her brand-new show of shows. And when she emerges onstage, resplendent in equestrian fetish-wear and gleefully brandishing a riding crop (a nod to both her recent equine W magazine photo spread and the 2005 horse-riding accident from which she has clearly, triumphantly recovered), she immediately justifies not only her fans' love, but her somewhat exorbitant £200 ticket price as well. Kicking off with a sultry homage to the Donna Summer / Giorgio Moroder disco anthem "I Feel Love" while she horsewhips her bridle-bound male dancers with dominatrix-like authority, from this moment on she is off and galloping, taking her audience on a truly wild ride.

Over the next two hours, Madonna shows she can still be shocking after all these years by warbling "Live To Tell" while suspended, Christ-like and thorny-crowned, from a mirror- paneled crucifix; demonstrates her basic but solid guitar-playing skills during "I Love New York" (while looking like a supremely badass rock star in a patent-leather motorcycle jacket and glammy feather boa); reveals some bull-riding moves that would make even "Urban Cowboy"'s Debra Winger blush; and is basically a walking (make that strutting) advertisement for power yoga as she flaunts her finely muscled, mind-bogglingly age-resistant physique in one second-skin Spandex costume after another.

Of course, there are some disappointments. Notably, she fails to perform many old-school classics from her Boy Toy-era songbook (no "Material Girl", "Borderline", "Like A Prayer", "Vogue", "Into The Groove", "Papa Don't Preach", "Holiday" - insert your favorite Madonna song here). And inexplicably there's no encore, the show ending with such wham-bam-thank -you-m'am abruptness that concertgoers crash down harder that they would after a Red Bull binge. And did we mention that £200 ticket price? But when all's said and done, everyone at L.A.'s Forum seems to feel they got their money's worth - and then some. After all, you can't put a price on absolutely fabulous entertainment like this.

by Lyndsey Parker