To the modern, in tune with his emotions man, summer time equals festival time. Yes those endless warm nights sitting in a field listening to Pink Floyd and the Rolling Stones, semi naked girls running around with flowers in their hair, a feeling of freedom and unity with your fellow man. Wait a minute, this isn’t the 60’s, this is the noughties! Peace on earth has gone my friend, so if you’re thinking of going to a festival this summer then it’s time to buck up your ideas and pay attention.
As my old gym teacher used to say, “Come on boys lets jump in the showers and wash that sweat off!” he was subsequently sacked, but the new gym teacher would say, “fail to prepare, prepare to fail”. In other words if you think that packing a pair of shorts and twenty cans of stella is the way forward then you’re not gonna last the weekend……
Listen to Paddys first podcast here: PREPARE FOR THE UNEXPECTED
Listen to Paddys second podcast here:A 24 HOUR MAN AND HIS SIMPLE NEEDS
Listen to Paddys final podcast here: SUMMER FESTIVAL SURVIVAL GUIDE
Lesson 1
What to pack?
B.O. basher – Standing in a field next to a bloke whose armpits smell like a Rangoon mating stone is not a good idea. Lead by example, two squirts under the pits will keep you fresh all day.
Footwear x 2 – Trainers or hiking boots. Not that pair of Paul Smith shoes you save for best.
Waterproof jacket x 1 – Remember it’s the UK’s summer.
Torch x 1 – Because nobody wants a poo in the dark.
Bottled water – Dancing in a field equals dehydration and the price of bottled water at festivals would even make Gordon Brown blush.
Fruit and veg – Sounds mad but a few apples and carrots will give you those much needed vitamins to keep you going.
Tent for one but if you’re using the deodorant then it’s a tent for two, you might get lucky. Don’t forget the sleeping bag.
Mobile phone – Make sure it’s fully charged.
Socks and underwear – Pack as many as possible, I cannot stress this enough.
Wet wipes – far more efficient than your average toilet roll and if they get wet who cares, they are WET WIPES!
Lesson 2
That idea you had about pitching your tent near the toilets to beat the queues is the worst decision since Eldorado was commissioned. You do not want the aroma of over 2000 vegetable curry eating revellers gently wafting into your small tent.
Lesson 3
The last lesson is be positive, you’ve saved up just enough money for your ticket and weekend away so enjoy it. If it rains just look upon this as the earth’s natural coolant, the man upstairs thinks your looking a bit flushed. If it gets very muddy then stick your face in the ground, some people pay a small fortune at beauty salons for that kind of treatment.
All in all whether you’re going to Glastonbury, V, party in the park or any of the other summer festivals this year just remember to take a deep breath before you use the toilets, enjoy the music and stay fresh.
