Melanie B seemed the most promising prospect of all the inevitable solo Spices. Who wouldn't much rather have Scary gettin' jiggy with Missy 'Misdemeanor' Elliot -on single 'I Want You Back'- than the truly awful rock horror show that was Mel C and Bryan Adams, or the vomit-inducing, insipid Emma B and Tin Tin Out collaboration?
'Hot' -Mel's solo debut- despite its daft title (hot? why?) with its mix of R&B, soul, garage and smoochy balladry, is equal parts extremely entertaining, very boring and utterly ridiculous.
Let's get the very boring out of the way first. Opener 'Feels So Good' is so-so, washing over you with little impact. Too chilled out. "Together we'll always be, ever after happily". Nice sentiments, but, ultimately, yawn.
The real treats here are the ones where she lives up to her Scary Spice moniker. On the truly nasty sounding 'Step Inside', Mel B almost sounds like she's playing a bad guy in a musical as she spits "Think you'll find your destiny? A shallow grave is all you'll see".
'Hotter' seems to take musical inspiration from Sisqo's 'Thong Song', Inner City's 'Good Life' and Stevie Wonder's classic 'Superstition'. Not bad reference points, surely.
Recent single, 'Tell Me', is also venomous, especially in the shouty bits which Melanie B seems to excel at. But it's nothing compared to the shocking Teddy Riley-penned 'Pack Your S**t', where Mel duets with a mysterious R Kelly sound-a-like who attests "I hugged her, but I never f***ed her" to which our Mel replies, and who can blame her, "So what the hell is this s**t on the cover?... pack your s**t and get the hell out". Honest! She really does! It's great.
And the ridiculous? The album closer, and the thought Mel has decided to leave us with, is the raunchy 'Feel Me Now'. This song is Mel's smoochy R&B equivalent (complete with Yorkshire accent) of Pulp's 1995 filth-fest from 'Different Class', 'F.E.E.L.I.N.G.C.A.L.L.E.D.L.O.V.E.' Mel: "It's all about the different layers of my body... just explore me... if you take the lead I won't mind, because a woman needs to feel pleasure - and the pleasure is all mine".
We await the new Spice Girls album with wonder.
