In about a hundred years, some academic genius will write a dispassionate and wildly intelligent analysis of the late 20th and early 21st century which recognises the vital importance that pop music - the most inventive and creative art form of that time - played. And in this book there will be a chapter entitled, simply, 'Britney Spears - why?'
It will begin with acknowledging the brilliance of 'Oops! I Did It Again', a wonderfully clever song, and compliment its charming (though disturbing) twin, 'Baby, One More Time'. It will also recognise the fact that, in pop, vocal talent was not considered essential for success, though Britney's asthmatic-with-emphysema technique was uniquely horrible.
Then the writer will turn to the hit album 'In The Zone', and explore it as a metaphor for creative bankruptcy, quite the most lifeless and unloved record to be released by an artist of Spears' global stature. It will question why even one solitary individual purchased this insult to pop, when the same funds could easily have purchased tATu, Eminem or even Kylie.
There will be a fascinating discussion of whether Madonna's appearance on the brilliantly titled but deeply dreary 'Me Against The Music' was a postmodern prank designed to make all sane listeners think "actually, 'American Life' was pretty good, after all".
The book will explore the fact that while her ex was effortlessly making pop music sound as essential as oxygen, Spears produced an album that made the listener ache with the sheer toil and furrowed-brow hard work of it all. Exotic Indian strings, 'urban' raps, dirrty words - the sound of an artist flailing for credibility and failing resoundingly.
Turning to the inevitable subject of sex, the writer will question how Spears deluded the world into finding her simpering little girl act attractive. On the evidence of the coy, affected ode to masturbation, 'Touch Of My Hand', Spears has the sexual charisma of a cauliflower. As for the erotic-as-genital-warts 'Outrageous', with its cheap, tinny production - it would take a rather senile and unworldly old lady in Tonbridge Wells to find this even diverting, let alone shocking.
In the name of fairness, it will be noted that 'Toxic' and 'Showdown' could well have been good pop songs in the hands of any other singer than Spears. However, this is scant reward from a production team that includes Moby, R Kelly and Guy Sigsworth, and suggests that these three thought very little of Spears' talents.
The kind conclusion will remind the reader that Spears was very young at the time, and clearly working in a field where she had absolutely no talent or instinct. She isn't to blame for trying her luck. It's the world that indulged her folly who were the fools.
