Although this was a night mainly marked by absences (Billie Piper, Atomic Kitten, Lionel Ritchie's dignity, Westlife's backing tape), it was still a Poll Winner's Party-type pop extravaganza.
Cramming several hundred pre-teens and their wildly excitable mothers into a fairly impressive venue, sticking a fast-paced procession of the chart's biggest names in front of them, and filming the whole thing for Japanese TV follows all the principles of modern pop.
Point Break have a nice line in between-song banter, teasing each other in those endearing Geordie accents and growling "Wassaaaaaaaap?" at the audience.
Westlife also did this later on but we'd tired of the joke by then. Meanwhile ver Break's 'Freakytime', 'Stand Tough' and 'Apocadelic' went down a treat, despite the former being one of the strangest songs in pop history an ode to dirty sex sung as a heartfelt entreaty to eternal love. A semi-acoustic guitar also made a brief appearance who would be cruel enough to say it was the most charismatic member of the group?
The release date of Lionel Ritchie's new album (15th of October, kids!) is indelibly inscribed on my consciousness the man was ruthless in his self-promotion. The new material (including a not at all spurious in any way whatsoever Latin element) passed by in a pleasant enough haze, but who can argue with 'Dancing on the Ceiling' and 'All Night Long'?
Louise was a last minute replacement for Billie, but she was doubtless grateful for the chance to plug her forthcoming single 'Beautiful Inside'. Well, aren't we all, dear? 'Naked' and 'Two Faced' received rapturous responses from the crowd proving that you can have a long and happy pop career and an almost undetectably low profile.
Blink 182 would have had a field day with Westlife's pristine white outfits, strangely accessorised by pale grey leather jackets stolen from Wham's Andrew Ridgeley circa 1984. Despite going straight in at Number One on Sunday, they didn't perform 'Against All Odds' due to the absence of Mariah Carey. If they had it would probably have driven the crowds to unbearable heights of ecstasy as it was, they still greeted TWO performances of 'If I Let You Go' (the backing tape failed) with screams of excitement. And to give the boys their due, they gave it just as much second time around.
Scott from 5ive can't dance. Like, really can't dance. Whether or not the others can remains unclear, as the eye is fixed on the World's Most Awkward Man bumbling around the stage. Bless.
But it doesn't matter because there's no denying the fact that 5ive have produced some of the best pop music of recent years 'Keep On Moving', 'If You're Getting Down', 'Got The Feeling' stone-cold gems every one.
Even the frankly embarrassing sight of Queen's Brian May bounding through the backdrop for the "surprise" performance of 'We Will Rock You' couldn't detract from the energy and enthusiasm of 5ive's show.
They're not very pretty and they can't sing like Westlife, but they are bona fide gobby little stars, a neutered Rolling Stones for the Noughties.
