Last year, Melanie C massacred the Sex Pistols' 'Anarchy In The UK' at V99, altering the lyrics as she went. "I am the Antichrist, I am Sporty Spice", she sang; surprisingly, no one rushed the stage and attempted to kill her.
This year, not to be outdone, All Saints have a go (in their own very special way) at two 'rock classics'. Obviously, they perform their cover of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' 'Under The Bridge', and a right fist they make of it too. But few could have anticipated quite how knackered their version of the Run DMC-modified Aerosmith track 'Walk This Way' would be. And when the girls sing "and it started with a little kiss - like this", the music stops, and Shaznay and Melanie kiss. And hold. And the crowd scream. It's that kind of show...
Proper pop stars they might be, but the All Saints festival set lacks the usual pop frills. They turn up in sunglasses, T-shirts and jeans (all except for Nicole, who wears a 'Ban The Bomb' shirt - during 'Bootie Call', she turns round to show off the word 'ARSE' printed on her, well, arse) and leap into a terribly well rehearsed 'Where It's At'.
'Lady Marmalade' soon follows, in which Melanie bends over, puts her head between Nicole's legs and gets spanked by Shaznay as a consequence. Not sure what they were trying to imply, but anyway...
New song 'Distance' is a perfectly respectable bit of pop soul, but imminent new single 'Tequila', with its references to "sexy senoritas" and faux-Latin rhythms... well, let's just say Ricky Martin has a lot to answer for.
'Bootie Call' would have been fine were it not for the fact that they were miming. Probably. But, despite all that, wedged in between the two rock travesties is another new song - and a fine one, too - called (deep breath) 'Saints That We Are, And Sinners That You Are'.
It's a healthy reminder, after the popfunk grooves and cover versions, that All Saints are rather good at this whole pop lark themselves. As if to underscore this, they bring the set to a close with a lengthy and playful 'Never Ever', followed by the immaculate 'Pure Shores'. And, in the process, snatch victory from the jaws of confusion.
For those who mock the V, calling it the festival for people who don't like festivals, this stands as an argument against. You wouldn't see this anywhere else. It was a right mess. But it was great all the same...
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