Dusk is falling over south London when four middle-aged musicians nonchalantly walk onto a stage in an athletics stadium. There are Union Jack and St George flags draped over their amps and the backdrop is a huge Royal standard.
A huge cheer goes up as the four appear, not just because of who they are but out of relief that the posse of young MCs who've spent the last thirty minutes lamely freestyling over some backing tracks, to the complete bemusement and frustration of most of the audience, are gone. Someone's idea of a sick joke at the audience's expense? You betcha.
The most likely culprit is standing centre-stage and fondling his expanded waistline. His name is John Lydon, but tonight he's nasty ol' Johnny Rotten Again - the pantomine Baron of rock. Except that the first song he sings is a cover of prog classic 'Silver Machine' by Hawkwind. "We're gonna have a laugh," he chuckles, presumably by way of explanation for the incongruous opening, as they launch into 'Holidays In The Sun'.
Essentially it's the same drill as six years ago. They play as many songs as they can muster, dedicating a ramshackle cover of The Who's 'Substitute' to John Entwistle and to "all the Beckham wannabe punks", while 'Pretty Vacant' goes out to Graham Norton. In the cold light of 2002, all their B-sides and album tracks sound the same, with only the still-terrifying 'Bodies', a snarling 'Problems' and the triumphal middle-finger salute of 'EMI' rising above the mush.
But that doesn't matter, because Johnny is such good value, even though we've read most of his rants in countless interviews over the past weeks. But whether waxing lyrical on Tony Blair ("Never, ever, ever trust a toff"), mocking the paying punters ("That'll be another £32.50" he sneers halfway through) or forgetting most of the words to the lesser-known tracks, he manages to be charmingly offensive.
The other three keep out of the spotlight, although Steve Jones and Paul Cook prove that they can certainly play these days, while Glen Matlock gets the Rotten seal of approval: "He's alright" he carouses while affectionately grappling with the bassist. They even have a go at 'My Way', for all the Sid fans, and it's that and a singalong version of 'Anarchy In The UK' that finally reawakens the subdued crowd from their sun-dazed, lager-fed slumber.
"Love ya... and hate ya too," Rotten quips as he walks off stage after 'God Save The Queen' closes the show. Same to you Johnny. We hate ya for condescendingly rubbishing our little island at every opportunity from the sanctity of your real estate offices in California and for thinking a TV chat show is a better artistic move than trying to make any new music.
We love ya for having the balls to do what you did all those years ago, in the process making some of the most thrilling music of all time, and for having the audacity to come back and charge us £30+ for the privilege of hearing those songs live again. Whatever else you think about the Pistols, never get the feeling you've been cheated. You knew the score all along.
